Can't you like just SHUT UP?? I mean there is one thing to advise a person in the correct manner with the correct words and terms to actually build a solid and reasonable sentence, and another of just bursting out in pissed up tone and a fucking high pitch. What does it actually bring you to? People walking away from you and not listening to whatever crap you are uttering about. The reason, you ask? Its pure ridicule bullshit. Exactly, RIDICULED BULLSHIT. That's what it is. So what if she has to call the same person 3 bloody times to make sure of an adoption? If you find it just too bloody rude, then its HER FUCKING PROBLEM! PISS OFF! She is old enough to know what is right for her and what is not. It is high time to learn from her errors and is definitely high time for her to do things HERSELF!
Your world revolves with this man. Whom I really don't know till today. I don't know why he acts that way, I don't know what he does, heck I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. He aint giving a damn about me...SO WHAT? His love and life lives miles away from where he is at the moment. And obviously, he has kept his priorities somewhat with much recklessness. And through this same reckless man, who has ignored, taunted and jeered at you for the past 25 years (silver jubilee, some say), you are still blaming yourself for the wrongs that he has done? Now, where is the logic in that? Knowing that it is not true, yet it is a little too late to pull yourself out because you seemed to have drowned yourself into this delusion of, may I quote, " dumbness and stupidity with that much of intelligence". And when she tries her level best to shed light upon this darkness of yours, you shut that little rays of shine that make its way through, encouraging yourself that she aint worth listening to.
At one hand she is told to think for herself because she knows what is right and wrong. The moment she actually attempts that independence of thinking, bars to freedom is suddenly arisen out of nowhere and she is thrown back to that same small, rotting, stenched and horrified box (oh believe me. you wish you weren't there). At one hand, she is told about how fine it is to actually de-stress with limits and control. The moment she experiences it, tantrums of anger are shown, protruding that a display of embarassment has been showed all because of their bloody parameters of intelligence! Judgement A for person B going through case C. But, Judgement Y for person Z going through case C. Typical cases but different judgement for different people? Would anyone in their right state of mind explain the justifying of this?? Because, I can't comprehend it from which ever angle I look at it.
Thus, I am done of helping. I am sick of taking the trouble to shed tears when I see you at your lowest end. I hate knowing how you feel just by your look and knowing how you would react at certain issues. I hate knowing your likes and dislikes. I hate working up for your expectation. I hate trying to make you happy. I am fed up of trying not to make you feel left out. I am tired of making you understand the better side of life and talking to you about nothing, yet laugh about it. Because you would just use it against me - somehow. I hate living for you. I want to live my life my way. Immaterial with or without your approval. Barriers up, gaps created, silence endorsed.
“I've never said 'why me?'. That's life. I try to keep a positive attitude. If you start feeling sorry for yourself, that's when it gets bad.” - Rick Schwartz
