"Listen, just sit here and she will come"
"Okay, you sure about this? Cause' I really am not"
"Don't worry, there she is. She's coming. She will get into you and then you just shout rape"
I noticed a young girl dressed in a colorful outfit. It seemed as if she just left the park situated in front of us and walked under the bridge toward us. When in fact, she actually appeared from thin air. I didn't look straight at her because I was afraid of the unknown. I just felt her presence walking beside me, ending up sitting right behind me. All of a sudden, I felt this wild breeze brush my hair and a weird trance I was put in. At that moment, I knew she was inside me - I was possessed by her.
Despite all the horror movies and stories that we have watched or heard during childhood, I did not turn into a monstrous looking creature and I could still have control over my thoughts and actions. It was as if she was inside me, but I still had control over myself - she was a mere spectator to the drama that was about to take place.
There was an act between Kartheek and me - a pre-enacted rape scene. He pulled me (or should I say us?) toward him and tried to undo my buttons, as I cried for help. Along came a group of feminists, consisting of many men and women, gathered around me. I noticed one particular man in the group whom had a french beard with tanned colored skin and a huge belly. He was the poster boy of a villain character in every Indian movie.
I continued crying for help. It was quite bizarre to notice their gigantic hands and long finger nails, hold on to me, dragging me away from the scene. I could not understand what they were saying but it felt as if they were comforting me and guiding my path towards my purpose for that day.
Everything seemed quite blur for the remaining journey till I reached a war torn building, desolated for years, from the looks of it. Upon reaching it, I somehow knew what I was supposed to do. I had decided to speak, courageously, to a few men regarding a very sensitive issue which I somehow cannot seem to recall now, for the love of God.
At the start of the conversation, things were going fine. Then, hell broke loose. Upon the conclusion of the discussion, I was about to leave. By then, I somehow owned a bike to cycle with back home. However, the "guides" that took me to this desecrated place, decided to leave me idle and find my own way home. I shrieked, since I did not have a clue on how I reached this place, let alone the way back home. I chased after them, pleading to direct me home instead of leaving me alone with these men. I heard them speak certain words in Tamil (an Indian dialect) which meant that I was cheated and now I have just dug my own grave.
I continued running towards their direction, pleading louder and harder the further I ran. Despite my efforts, they slowly disappeared into thin air. At that moment, I knew I was alone - all alone with a group of men whom I have just expressed my dissatisfaction over a very sensitive issue that I am not aware of, in an abandoned building. Though, I knew that she was still inside me, it was not helpful since I seem to be running the show instead of her.
Failed in keeping my guides with me, I turned around. There were 2 men standing outside the building with more lurking from inside. Their crooked smile and bad intended looks thrown at me, urged my senses to leave that place at that very instance. I clumsily grabbed hold of my bike and headed to the road ahead. Just then, I realized that there were similar roads diverted to my left and right. I needed directions badly and my only choices were those men.
I asked one standing nearest to me and he offered to send me home, in a while. I declined and replied that I will find my way home myself. By then, he was persisting and again, everything went blur in my sight and the next thing I know, is that I am inside the ancient building, at the highest floor, in a room with a group of men. I had already concluded a discussion by then and decided to leave. Upon leaving, they circulated me, blocking my exit. I eventually squeezed my way out the door and reached outside.
I bumped into the man whom I met from the feminists group. With other 3 fellow men, he was sitting on the concrete wall that separated us from falling 20 feet below. My heart skipped a beat and I poured out all my fear to him, expressing the need for protection. He listened quietly as he gazed upon me, his eyes screening me from top to bottom. I recognized that look from the previous men whom I saw downstairs. He then smiled to himself as he continued looking at me, and he directed towards his friends, reiterating what was said earlier.
"That's it, she's cheated. Another victim. Hahahaha"
I was back stabbed. I don't know why but I knew I had to leave the place immediately before my cervix is rummaged by 20 or so, strangely looking men, thirsting for lust. I chucked a bag which I was hanging on to, and ran towards the nearest staircase. Upon reaching it, a strong young man had beaten me at this race. I fell into his arms and struggled to get out. I put up a good fight, kicking and pushing him away, and once released, I remembered that she was still here - inside me.
She could help me! After all, I am here because of her.
Hence, knowing that she will after all be there as my last resort, I made a rash decision. The easiest and quickest way out of this mess was to jump off the building. And so, I ran towards the wall, grabbed hold of the sides and elevated myself up!
My eyes pushed wide open and I hear the white noise of the fan spinning away, cooling the room with its air. I searched frantically for a person - on my IPhone and laptop.
"Dipan!" I shouted, upon realizing that I left the Skype call on with my friend and slept off. The electronic clock showed 08:27. I finally managed to get some sleep after failing for the past 5 hours. Evidently, that 2 hour nap that should have been more than enough, left an utmost disturbing effect.
I told both Dipan and Luna Maya, whom were on the group call at that time. I tried dialing Kartheek, but as expected he was snoring away in his dream land. I managed to get Saree on the phone and told her about my dream. As I was narrating to her, I remembered that I have been having similar disturbing dreams for the past few weeks and have not been able to sleep alone - because I have never felt that I was alone.
Saree had comforting words by reminding me that my actions has led me to these continued nightmares. The series of horror movies just before bedtime, the problems that I have put myself through, also the fever that I have just caught weakens me which eventually affects my sleep. That perspective that she placed for me, made perfect sense. I suppose now I will have to reconnect with my long, lost and almost forgotten spirituality which I held close to my heart, once a upon a time. This recurring nightmares and presence of someone else around me even when I am alone, HAS TO STOP!
"Dreams are illustrations...from the book your soul is writing about you.." Marsha Norman
