I was watching this series called Army Wives over lunch, which was about 2 hours ago. It revolves around this bunch of women and a man whose other half is involved in the army. Some would be mere soldiers that fight in wartime, while some would be lieutenants and so on.
The usual run of the 1 hour episode will have a moral ending in the end. This time, it was about this lady, one of the army wives, who convinced her long lost friend to give a short speech. The speech was supposed to be inspirational to this group of young people who lost their legs to their own carelessness. Lets call her friend, Mac. Mac too lost his legs due to his reckless driving on the road, few months back.
In the hall where he was supposed to deliver his side of the story, here is the crux of it :
"I don't know how to start this. A friend of mine told me that it would be good to start of with a joke"
(crowd giggling)
"But, we know that the joke is on us, uh? It was a Friday afternoon on May the 2nd when I was on my way out and I came back without them. You know, you just live in a different manner after that incident. Frustration sets in. Anger takes control. Every single day you regret. We beat ourselves because we can't seem to forgive ourselves. But, if it weren't for May the 2nd, I wouldn't be here right now talking to you. If I hadn't gone through that accident, I wouldn't have seen this side of me. See, sometimes we just have to let it go. Let go the frustration. Let go the anger. Let go the grudge we have implanted inside us. Because, if we don't, it is just going to be a hurdle for us to reach our highest potential. If we let this growing hatred inside us go, we let ourselves free from the extra weight. That extra burden. That leash tied around our neck to stop us from reaching our goals. We let go of the very thing that had been holding us behind to reach what we are supposed to reach - our maximum potential. We turn into this person we never knew existed inside us. So, just let go. What has happened to us is for a reason. To make us lead a new life differently from others. This is a gift given to us. Months to come is not going to be easy. I would not lie that it will be easy. It will not be. But, the challenges ahead make us reach a higher being that we are right now. Thank you for coming guys."
It struck me at that very moment. The grudge that I hold inside me. The anger that grows on my skin which pops out every single time pressure is applied. And, of course, the regrets that I hold from my past actions. And then, I stopped to ponder, what if I were just to forget and actually let go all this hatred and negative aura around me? I would definitely feel less burdened and this fringe that keeps forming between my eyebrows would be cleared.
So, I sat there. The exact same spot where I was having my over cooked rice, which looked half porridge, with fish sambal and coleslaw. My fingers were still stained with the dried sambal. Yet, I sat there thinking of all the people I had grudges on and the reasons why I had them at the first place. I ended up questioning myself, do these reasons still matter?
In a flash of thought, I felt that it was worthwhile to let go all the anger towards those people I had in mind and the receiver deserves it. But then again, when I started thinking, and asked myself whether was it REALLY worth the time spent? Not one incident could I find that was worth showing my anger to. The consequence was whether the receiver was not bothered to hear what I had to say or it had created a huge scar in a relationship so sacred, you wished you could pull back all words uttered.
Sometimes, we say things we are not supposed to. Maybe not in that nick of time. But, being mere humans at the end of the day, we definitely cannot attain ideality. Even dreams do not show us being perfect, let alone reality. Human frailty is deemed to set in and take place, most of the times. Especially, during unwanted hours. And if we are going to sit back and fret over it, beating ourselves on why such a incident occured, it would not serve any purpose.
Mistakes happen. That is inevitable. Move on. Work towards a channel where consciousness is primary and not selfishness. Only then can these mistakes be carved to a smaller figure. A more manageable figure. A figure which will be under control and not which is in control.
“You don't hit, you try to find a mistake. You have to get in there and constantly battle against him.” - Troy Glaus
