Is this love?

The sound of the lighter flicking filled the cold air of the bathroom on the first 2013 Friday night. As I sat there, enlarging my rectum, allowing all the digested leftovers from the previous nights and days' to be flushed out into the latrine, I inhaled Golden Virginia, embracing its tobacco euphoria. It was confusing to me, thinking about everything that we did and said to each other. There is an obvious strong attraction and connection. I confidently could say, an implied relationship. Something more than just friendship or a fellow colleague. Something more than a just sex partner or a boyfriend. Something much more than all these. What I felt, or am still feeling is definitely real. What I've learnt from all these years is that, no matter what happens, a persons' intuition is never wrong. Be it that he or she may be wrong in what they said or did, but at that moment of a particular incident, whatever that you felt, was never a lie.

What I'm about to explain may seem very cliche' to some of you. It may seem like a puppy-crush to others or something a lonely college student is trying to fill up her time with. Either way, I don't give two pennies. When a person really cares for you, it doesn't take too much for the person to show to be able to notice the amount of care given. The fact that he remembers what we discussed a week ago, or the fact that I confessed to him all the outrageous rendezvous, yet an ounce of respect is not lessened, or the fact that we have multiple disagreements, get into numerous arguments and finally agree to disagree, he never gets tired of disagreeing only to start the whole cycle of altercation, again. He sometimes could even act pathetically ridiculous in front of everyone, just to impress me, by creating a dramatic scene only to prove a point that he was right all the while.

When I was down with fever, I was praying and hoping someone was with me to take care when I'm at my weakest. And, he comes along, insists me to leave my 4 walled room, takes me on a ride to get some Chinese vegetable soup for my sore throat and stays with me that night. On those clubbing nights, he would childishly swing  his drunken state on the dance floor to literally steal me away from any guy that attempts to dance with me and then, later apologizes for acting so. Or, when he looks into my eyes, bearing in mind without prior heavy beer drinking ( so, he is totally sober and conscious ), and tells me he loves me, those are the moments where you want to capture in a bottle and close it with a lid so tight, it never seeps out.

I can never know if he is truly feeling the words and actions he expresses to me. Or, if his actions are so general, its applicable to everyone. If it really is, he must be an almost perfect living being. If not, the question remains then, if he feels for me at the same depth I feel for him.

“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul” - Judy Garland