XMAS?

The food was great. In fact, brilliant. Clothes were splendid. Fitted well, looked good. Decorations up with the usual colours : red & green mostly. Tree was lit, place brightened up, clutter of the wine glasses and kitchen utensils together with the unwrapping of gifts were on going. Despite the norm of the practice of the celebration, the joy and excitement of embracing it, was absent this year. To be precise, numbness was present instead. Physically, body was there to invite family and relatives in, to satisfying their well-grown hunger. But, the mind and soul was travelling elsewhere, to a world unknown.

I find honesty and purity of love from some, the countable some. While sarcasm and revenge from a larger portion of the crowd. One or two just butter you up to get into your pants. I wanted to run....away, far away from this charade of "happiness" and act of generosity to the hands of people who love me and respect me for who I am. I wanted to run back to the time Penguin and I were at Old Town burning our lungs to death, or to the time when Ms. Typewriter and I were trying to get high on expired plants. Or to the time where I was dancing happily with people whom I called family, these people who accepted me for the way I am, perfect or imperfect in the eyes of society.

If only I could collect these real joyful moments and bottle them up in an air tight jar, I could just open it anytime and let my mind and soul run back to these moments and drown in them, instead of running to a world unknown.