I Don't Know

So, it was Women's Day. Least of my concerns as half of my focus and attention were on revising my syllabus and grasping as much as possible. And it can come as a sudden shock and out of the circle of common sense when some "concerned" individuals, or as they self proclaim that they are, can find the perfect timing for making a U-turn. Or take a step back, or whatever you may call it, and with a snap of their fingers pretend like nothing ever happened and start afresh. It would seem so subtly promiscuous, when you only come to find the dagger which was once hiding behind the door is now coming right at you, striking you, stab after stab after stab after stab....


Maybe I was too harsh? Maybe I had to accept it and pretend the way it was before? Maybe I should now lick my wounds, don't deny I have not been doing that, ignore the scar, and walk on the coals of fire again? Maybe I should create extra layers of skin and make do with whatever that is left of the walking dead body? Or maybe I should lose my soul and surrender to blows of abuse and tantrums?


Or probably I did the right thing? Probably for once, I acted the way I should have, a very long time ago? Probably, I am tired of licking my wounds and I cannot ignore any scars? Probably, I don't want to fear anymore? Probably, I just don't want to feel pain and grip my teeth to adhere to others needs? Probably, I just want to be with people who respect me for the way I am, and not bloodsuckers? Probably, I had enough of being thrown to the wall and covered with an old bed sheet, ashamed to be shown to the world? Or  probably, I just said what I had to say?


The smoke of Marlboro Black Menthol cools my throat, drying it, making it want more. Feet pounds on the steps of the staircase, "Think! What do you want?" Mind responds, "I don't know" So, I don't know. I just know that I've got another one year, well if I need not refer any papers, and that will be about the same sickening drama I have been encountering. Then it's off to business life and that is when the REAL drama gets into the picture. Till then, suit up and dress to kill!